Boredom

I think my boredom is related to the lack of excitement and variety in life. On one hand, it is better to get used to a non exciting life and easily detach oneself from all of it ie take a more spiritual approach to life.  On the other hand, it is getting difficult to repeat the same thing day in day out and get frustrated with the mundane lifestyle. 

I will have to find a path that will get me out of this frustration. I think the path is visible but I am hesitant to take the first step for the fear that it is a path of no return. Sometimes, the fear is associated because we are going against the core values of oneself. 

My mind has always been divided in the thoughts and perceptions. One day I want a new expensive stuff, the next day I want to renounce. The day I realise which one of the thoughts are more close to my core value, I would have discovered myself. I have to wait until I discover myself to step into the path of no return for I will have no regrets then. It is like knowing the unknown.
May be the excitement in discovering myself is the remedy for my boredom!!

Don't discriminate Happy and Sad-They are the one and the same?

In one of my previous blogs I remember mentioning that being  neither happy or sad is the best thing.
I wanted to check the practicality of such a state of mind. I was waiting for one of my exam results and I did pass the exam (came out as a big surprise!!). Was I happy or neutral hearing my result. I have to admit that I had a sense of relief having passed. And I did go ahead to share the result with some near and dear ones.
Retrospectively, I honestly belief that I would have felt slightly heavy at heart if I did not pass the exam. The more the mind is fighting to stay calm, the calmness never surfaces.
I think one has to train the mind to achieve the state of neither happy or sad.
I have experienced the state of mind once or twice when I have been in a situation but MYSELF actually stood separate from the situation. I chose to  go into the state of mind.
So, when I can chose why did I choose to feel happy hearing a pass result? What is this attachment to happiness? Why can't I be attached to sadness? Why do humans like happiness instead of sadness? If no attachment  then No identification of happy or sad. If I STOP IDENTIFYING happy and sad as two separate entities- If there is ONENESS of feeling-Leads to state of mind of balancing happy and sad....In other words BLISS.

Positive thinking

Today is my mum's birthday. I wished her a happy birthday.  She always wishes me good luck and prays for me. Miles apart, I dedicate this blog post to her.

I read these sentences as I was preparing for my exam. ''If you don’t like something, change it. If you can’t change it, change the way you think about it. Being hurt is something you can’t stop from happening, but being miserable is always your choice. Winston Churchill reminds us, “Success is moving from one failure to another with no loss of enthusiasm.” The mind must believe it can do something before it is capable of actually doing it. Negative thinking creates negative results. Positive thinking creates positive results. Period. Things always turn out best for people who make the best out of the way things turn out".

Don't be afraid to be alone

Man is a social being. During his journey of life he meets people, situations, circumstances, and gains all the paraphernalia in the form of love, knowledge, wealth and misery.
People always strive to associate themselves with others and it is this very tendency has gained popularity in the form of Facebook, Twitter, Blogs and so many others.
Although I use social networking, the real core in me has always struggled to communicate my thoughts to the wider public (except through my blog). I thought I was a shy and timid person,but that is not the reason for my struggle. My perspective has changed now. I realized it is not a struggle in the first place. It is the maturity of the self to lead a life and begin the most important part of human journey ALONE. It is the beginning of the journey to inner self. It is the path of no return. To accept the loneliness is the challenge. This loneliness doesn't mean that we shut us from our relationships or lock us up in a room. We have to respect all the relationship as they are, take over the responsibilities, but remembering to keep our soul alone and work towards our destiny.
Some people get confused with Destiny and Duty. In my opinion, Duty is that we already know, Destiny is that we have to Discover. The path to this discovery is loneliness and we should not be afraid to go on this path all alone!!

Enjoy Life

How many of us know how to Enjoy Life? I just released that I have not written anything about the title of my blog. It is a human right to enjoy life. The methods and meanings of enjoying life differs from person to person. For some people it may be going on a vacation and read a nice book and forget about work. For others, it may be spending time with family and simultaneously use a work phone to attend to business. Whatever it is it is a human right to enjoy life.
I have been trying to understand how I want to enjoy life. I am some one who is not passionate about life. I can't fix my mind to any particular thing or interest. I realised that I am some one who wants to take life as it is.
How can I enjoy life if I don't know how to? and want brings me joy?
This question brings us to an associated topic called 'joy'. I hear from the learned that one does not need a reason to be joyous for the self is the joy! People may have reasons to be sad but there need not be a reason to be happy.
For the wise, happy and sad both mean the same and that stage is where the wise finds the 'inner silence.
Inner silence can occur to anyone who undergoes a sudden state of crisis (for example, death of a close member of family) and that silence brings clarity in mind. The same inner silence occurs in deep sleep when we are unconscious. To see that inner silence in consciousness is through Meditation.
Meditation allows us to see God and attain clarity of mind.
To summarise, if I want to enjoy life I realise that I am my own happiness, but  happiness and sadness are wheels.One follows the other. I don't want to get caught in this wheel. I want to get out of this circle which means I should experience inner silence when I am conscious. That can happen through meditation. For me to enjoy life, I need to meditate and experience the inner silence.
Once inner silence is attained I can enjoy life because I then will see things equally. The two monsters called Desire and Fear can be conquered and Bliss follows. When one attains Bliss who cares about life anyway!! Long ways for me....the key is not to go finding for things, let them happen when I am ready....

Mother's day

I did not have a very good night sleep yesterday. I kept looking at the watch and just like that lost 1 hour!! Yes, the day light saving time.... and the clock went ahead by one hour. After a long struggle, I did manage to sleep.
It felt damn good next morning when I woke up to see my son holding the breakfast tray for me and saying 'Happy Mother's day Amma''!! Wow!! My son brought me breakfast, three handmade cute cards, some flowers and a great mother's day batch. The card read 'Best Mum'!!  Such a surprise for me!!  Although I smiled and thanked my son, I felt bit sad. I felt I did not deserve any of this.I am some one who probably gets sad when too much affection is showered on me. It is my own fault that I worry that I may lose the affection in the future. It is my fear of loss that prevents me from expressing my emotions.
Where there is attachment, misery follows and the emotional baggage gets heavy and heavy.
I wonder if I will discuss any of this in the future to my son....the road to escapism from misery is called the Non-attachment!

Happiness

This post is not a continuation of my previous post although it might look so. I just wanted to share a funny conversation with my 8 yr old kid. Happiness means so many things to so many people. People approach happiness from various perspectives- be it religious, philosophical or even as a goal in life.
I feel a sense of joy just by hearing good music or tunes, and to me during that phase when my mind is only listening and not thinking I am filled with no regrets or discomfort. For me, that phase is happiness.
The 'Happy' Song by Pharrell Williams for the movie Despicable me is one such song which I enjoy listening to. My son only knows this too well that when I got him an angry bird speaker for his 8th birthday he chose to test this particular song from you tube!
Days later, when he was practising cricket in the garden he came running to me as soon as I came from work.
Son- Mum, you know the happiness song that you listen on the radio in your car, I think it contains 'swear words'.
Perplexed me- What do you mean? what swear word.....I hadn't noticed any...
Son- Yeah, you have to say the word 'Happiness' very slowly, then you will notice it.
Me- ok, 'Hap-pee-ness'....'Hap-Pee-Nis'...'Hap-Penis'
As I was ushering the word slowly, I realised the word play and understood what my son meant!! I saw him in his eyes and could see the naughtiness that is gleaming...He replied back to me with a giggle..' I told you..' and then he ran off.
I brought this conversation during dinner time with my husband who was laughing to his heart's content. We were curious to ask him further his reasoning as to why he should analyse words like that.
Although, initially he wanted to ignore our question, he thought when people were happy they expose themselves... Strange thought of a 8 yr old boy. I wonder what it would have meant for a 8yr old girl?
It is pure coincidence that today is' UN International Day of Happiness'. I hope peace and contentment remain in all our hearts and remember to balance happiness and sadness in life.

Enjoy the emptiness!

I feel so small when I know there are a million things I don't know
I feel so big when I know I learnt one more thing more so

I thought being happy is the best, but the best is being neither sad nor happy.
I feel the scary emptiness in such a state of mind. I hope this state of mind engulfs and reigns me that I attain the purpose of my life in which I merge with the pure emptiness.  I, become the emptiness that I will no longer be scary.

My life is already in the path of emptiness. I can feel the  bits and pieces of it like a scattered puzzle. As time passes by the pieces will come together beautifully. I will wait for that time in patience.

Swallow your pride

I am yet to discover what life is all about. When I say life , I really don't know what I completely mean. Is it the heartbeat that keeps one alive or is it the emotional waves that circulate in the mind or is it another trillion things that I don't know at all? Not knowing what life is all about I am proud to say, I do live a life.

Is it true that 'we don't know yet what we don't know'? I vehemently would love to dismiss this fact but it is the truth I can't deny. 

I have learnt so much in life and I am still learning everyday. I have learnt that little things make a difference. This  learning process comes at a cost and one should be prepared to undergo deep humiliation and 'swallow the pride' to be able to move forward.

Now that I have rested my heart writing this post, my mind is lot clear to prepare for my forthcoming exam! I wish my mind a good luck, some serotonin and some deeper calm!!!!